Sunday, March 24, 2013

It's all just stuff

I haven't always been this messy. I always had boxes of stuff I needed to go through from each time I moved, but I was never one to have piles and piles of "stuff" everywhere. Somewhere along the way I have just lost myself. Probably in all this clutter! But I do want to go back to my somewhat neat self and get back the person who loved having people over and filling our home with laughter and friends.

I know part of the reason I struggle with this now is the frequency with which we move. It is exhausting packing and unpacking. Finding new places for all our stuff. We went from a 3,000 sq foot home to a 2,200 sq foot home to a now 1,700 sq foot home...all in the span of 3 years. And we still have all the stuff from our 3,000 sq foot house. Boxes and boxes of stuff. I feel ashamed at the fact that I have things from when the boys were 2 and 3 years old in boxes in my garage that my kids hardly (or even not at all) got to use. Wonderful things that could have helped them learn valuable skills while enjoying playing.

And so the cycle begins. I fret over the fact I need to get all that stuff out and either use it or get rid of it or put it away for when they have kids of their own. Then that leads me to thinking of if they ever will even have kids of their own. And that leads to me feeling guilty that I have all this stuff they could have used and yet it still sits in boxes and have for almost 3 years now. And that train of thought leads me back to thinking that I need to get going on cleaning out those boxes and learn to live in the 1,700 sq feet we currently have. And then I start thinking about how we are only renting this place so why should I bother unpacking all this stuff only to have to pack it all back up again because we have been here almost a year so that means in the next six months it will be time to move again because hubby will be tired of his job and so will find a new one and of course it will be in yet another state so why bother. So you see...I can talk my way out of unpacking the boxes. But I don't want to talk my way out of unpacking the boxes anymore. I am tired of the stuff everywhere. Tired. Physically and mentally. So it's now time to do something about the stuff! Step my step, little by little, I will make a difference. I have to make a difference for my own sanity.

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